A Case of the Tuesdays

I actually hate Tuesdays. But today. I decided I wasn't going to.

After my midterm at 8 am and attending my ensuing spanish lit class, I decided to show Tuesday that i was gonna have a good day and allowed myself a lil break and skipped evolutionary biology for the day. So i scuttled home and cooked myself a nice lil lunch that consisted of mac and cheese and some coke. I returned to campus at one and worked for the next three hours. Work actually wasn't bad. And i left work feeling great. I even went on a run with Michael today and managed to keep up the whole time. Go me.

Since today was Tuesday, and It and I had recently thrown away our qualms with each other, I decided to do something out of the ordinary. At 5:00 I attended the Genetics Students Association. It was kinda like being a celebrity- they were so happy I was there. Everyone was super nice and asked me my name and what I was studying and such. I even was asked to run for Secretary and/or Philanthropy Chair of the club. ~schoooop. I felt super intellectual as I listened to the guest presenter discuss Transposable Elements and the ground breaking work she did with her co-workers who eventually won the nobel prize. heyyyy. The meeting was running a little long for my liking, but i managed to survive and make a few new friends. And i found a class to take next semester that will count as one of my intensive lab classes. Smel is enrolling in the class as well. So pumped.

It was fun playing pretend all afternoon, but lets be honest: Tuesday doesn't it like it when you think that It is actually a good day. I arrived at my car to find that Tuesday had left a nice little parking ticket on my car. I said, "Thanks Tuesday for letting me attend that GSA meeting for $40. It was really too kind of you." Tuesday then showed that it wasn't going down without a fight.

It meant business with Its next attack. It showed that It would stoop as low as allowing for someone to stand me up for a dinner date. Excyaauuse me? Tuesday clearly does -not- know who It is dealing with. It needs to learn that people need to get on my level and realize that when I ask someone to din din, they best not cancel half an hour before. KNOW YOUR GAME.

I called Smel and Princess for a pick me up. And as always, they came to the rescue. Love them. We decided to rage in the Sci Li and try and get things done. But Tuesday is trying to intervene yet again and rear its ugly head using voodoo and procrastination. don't fear however- the three of us plan to fight fire with fire. and our friend leroy will soon be our biggest ally.

So, Tuesday, you can suck it. You're no match for the Triple Team.

Z.

Untitled.

Silence.

Envelopes me.

Suffocates me.

Paralyzes me.

Numb. Raw. Alone.

The "old" him turns to him and says,

"That's not you."

And that, perhaps, is the worst

thing said so far.

Sense of Self

I won't be made the scapegoat.

You fucked up just as much, if not more, than I did.

I refuse to let this situation portray me as the sole evil.

And even now, you seem so non-chalant about everything.

You seem so caught up in yourself that you disregard the

feelings of everyone else around you, surprise surprise.

I hurt a person I look up to.

A real role model.

I'm honestly more concerned about him than you right now.

He, in all honesty, is going places in life.

It doesn't seem that you are...

On realizing how lucky one is.....

It's the start of another year in athens. And definitely the best so far.

I feel like I'm in such a good place right now: academically, living, dating, socially, friends. Just everything. This whole positive attitude change has made a huge difference. 17 hours is definitely a heavy load but I believe if I stay on top of things i can do this. I'm so determined to get good grades this semester; not achieving this is not an option. If i want to make Med school happen, this has to happen.

The First Friday Throwdown was such a blast. I had so much fun. And was so humbled that all of my friends made it over. It was so awesome to see all of them together in one room. I don't think they knew, but it made me feel so loved by all of them that came. It sounds dumb, but lately that means a lot. I'm all about people who make an effort to be in my life. If i see this in someone, then hands down I will make the effort to be a part of theirs, no matter past history or anything. That being said, I'm making a big effort to not try and hold on to friendships, and dating, that aren't mutually important. And dating for that matter. See last post for me believing in myself that I'm someone worth having around. It's time i start recognizing that.

People I'm thankful for recently: Paul, Becky, Caitlyn.

P: living with him is probably one of the best decisions I've made recently as far as making myself grow up and learn more about myself. We had such a good conversation in the car last night on the way home from Rays about being gay and what it meant to each of us. It was such a refreshing conversation and I can tell we are on our way to becoming really really great friends.

B: BFE. haha love our abbrevs. I am so happy with how things are going this school year. Each summer, you are my rock. You make living in Roswell so bearable, and even fun. And I am beyond thrilled that we are hanging out in Athens. I look forward to our Bravo nights. And especially Rachel Zoe. I Die. And as always, I'm thankful for your advice on everything. You really help me through more than you know.

C: Ah. this year is so different, but i think just as good as last year. Each time i get to see you, i am -so- excited. Like i think i cherish it so much more and don't take it for granted like i did last year. When i know im gonna get to hang out with you, I literally get so excited and can't stop smiling. Saturday night was seriously -so- much fun. It may not have seemed like anything special to you, but I couldn't have imagined having any more fun with you.

I'm trying to get out and date more. See whats out there. And trying to keep an open mind :) so far so good.

I'm not settling with any regrets this year. its Junior Year. lets do this bitch right.

P.S: for as hot as D is, I'm not sure he's entirely good enough for me. "I used to be lovedrunk, but now I'm hungover".

D.

Question: Does fortune actually favor the bold?

Answer: This past week of my life, the answer is absolutely yes. A week ago, I hadn't even spoken to you. And now a six days later, I find our conversations captivating. You charmed me on our first date; and i was beyond thrilled when you asked me out on a second one, even if it is a ways off. and you made friday night a highlight of my summer. You've made it hard to stop smiling all week.

It's not often in "our" world you find someone genuine, intelligent, charming, and all-together with it. And to see all of those characteristics in someone was refreshing to say the least. Let alone someone my age. I didnt expect to meet someone like you, especially not in the last week of summer.

And now, I'm puzzled. I have no idea what to do. Do i chalk this all up to a end-of-summer-hoorah and leave it at that? Or try and see where this goes, albeit a long distance sort of thing? I'd hate to pass up something that seems so good and want you to know that the effort would be there on my end. But saying something like that after only hanging out three times can be greatly misinterpreted. My fingers are crossed for a last second lunch date or something of the sort, although as of press time the question remains only in my mind. It's almost as if I'd like to send out a big FUCK YOU to the higher power behind the timing of this situation, because you honestly couldn't have made it any worse.

A friend told me the other day that he doesn't deal with negative attitudes. And so, I've been trying to keep nothing but a positive one about this situation. I think i need to start believing. Believing that I am someone worth having around. Someone that another wants to talk to. Wants to get to know better. Wants to be with. And mostly, I'm hoping that you see this in me. That I am worth it.

Z.

Three Numbers

These numbers to a stranger mean nothing. But to me, they mean the world. These numbers to me represent my best year so far. They represent my 3 best friends. They represent nights laughing so hard i couldn't breathe. And represent nights i couldn't breathe for other reasons....cough cough. These numbers forever bind four friends together. And represent something that can never be taken away from us. This one year in Athens. This year where we were totally irresponsible and loved every single second of it. Not only this, but we recognized what we were doing, and laughed in the face of this whirlwind of responsibility.

These numbers represent the anticipation of each day ending this school year so the four of us could hang out together. We would epically debate over which episode of The Office to watch. Or, one of my faves, dance like we didn't care to Eiffel 65. The numbers represent epic debates on where to go get food. "Lets go to Clocked." These numbers have been countless times to Checkers after midnight; or to Zaxby's for dollar Nibblerz.

These numbers tested our friendship. And at times, we all asked if it was worth it. But the test of true friends is at the end of the day, or year for that matter, can you look back at what you had and say, "Ya, i wouldn't change anything about this year." I firmly believe that everything this year happened for a reason, for better or for worse. Call it cliche if you want, but I don't care. I can honestly say that my three friends under that house taught me more about myself than anyone I've ever known.

They taught me what it was to accept something that wasn't the norm; and they did this by unquestioningly and without hesitation supporting me in my coming out process. Not only did the accept me, but tolerated me when i was rude about it and, in all reality, probably didn't treat them as they ought to have been treated. They let me make my mistakes. And let me learn from them.

They taught me what it was to be ok with yourself. They taught me what it was to not take school so seriously. And without learning that, I may have actually died this past year. They taught me what it was to be a good room mate; knocking on the door just to check in on me and how my day was.

And so. To CC, Dogie, and Josh: You guys really do mean more than you can ever imagine to me. I never really knew how to show it. But i knew at the end of each day, you guys were the ones that were there for me. You saw me at my lows, and my highs (lolz). And i want you to know that nothing, and i mean nothing, will ever compare to what we had this year. I say with the deepest sincerity that I hope we hang out this next year. It scares me more than you will know to face a living situation without you guys. You really are the best room mates i could have ever asked for.

Josh- I say goodbye to you as a room mate. Moving on without you sleeping 20 feet from me seems a little wierd. For the first time I won't be able to make fun of you on a daily basis. Maybe you'll finally learn to walk up stairs? You are my go to guy when i don't know something. The advice you give and your undying ambition to help anyone, including myself, in need is one of your most endearing qualities. I'm scared we won't see much of each other this next year, but want you to know that I'm always gonna be there when u call to hang out.

And finally, to the 344. You started as a cookie cutter house with no personality. and now we talk about how no one will EVER be good enough for you. I'd like to say thanks to you. For the laughs. For the tears. For the smoke. For being the best god damn house in that busted college town. For the truly unforgettable memories. To the motherfucking 344 bitches!

I've got that 344 love now and forever. Love you guys.

Z.

I Rush to Sea

Scatter-brained. I feel so here-there-everywhere lately. I don't think its a bad thing, but i can't say that im necessarily fond of it.

Firstly, I absolutely love working with Becky at camp. She makes going to work so fun. We kinda balance the work with gossip and camp traditions. We got matching lawn seats we sit at amoeba at this year. Hers is pink. Mine is green. We've even reinstated the ever popular Twix date before amoeba. The disney sing-a-long sessions at Arts and Crafts are a blast. She makes going to work so easy. I think the thing i like most about becky is that she reminds me to not get so wound up about little things, something that so easily happens to me. She is such a go with the flow kind of person. I would say thats something i definitely need to strive more to be like. The other thing i love about working with her is her advice. Her is advice is AMAZING. She is so in tune with what others think and perceive that i know her advice won't lead me astray.

And as always, im still having fun with the gurlz. We try and get together at least once during the week to watch a movie. I think we have a home video night planned soon. We are going to watch all of our stupid home movies and probably die laughing at them. I'm ril excited for this to go down. We went out for Dave's birthday last night, and it was pretty fun. I know she had a good time....MRB...cough cough. My mom got to spend some time with Nick and Dave at the outlet malls on saturday when she took me shopping for my birthday. I had a lot of fun. And i think my mom had a good time meeting them. I know they liked her!

Another interesting development, I was very very close to talking to winston today. I had the facebook chat window open, but couldnt bring myself to type anything. Part of me wants to reach out, but part of me still says why bother. I still blame him for whats going on with 2/3 of the 344. And i still want to say Fuck you to him lol.

I have more to say....but it doesnt coincide well with the tone of this post. maybe next time....