Do you ever think about out of sight, out of mind. its been coming to mind alot lately. And it perfectly describes my relationship with you. I think its a convenience factor for you. It is so frustrating. When its convenient for you, that should be your motto. While thinking the other day, you would be the last person i would call in a time of need. and even when you were alerted, it would take you a few days to even respond to the call you would recieve. I laugh at you. You say I'm above this, I say you're immature. To pick and choose when you can respond to someone is to live life in a childish manner. Life doesn't seem to work that way, mine doesn't at least. Maybe thats why you get overwhelmed so often when you can't pick and choose. Don't you see. I want to make you see. But so goes the life of someone who doesnt see their own flaws. But until I find someone like you, I'll keep on shooting you that text. Giving you that call. You won't answer. Unless your not busy. Now i ask you this: If my friend was in this situation and asked me for advice on what to do with this friend, my immediate answer would be: this person clearly isn't making you a priority, they shouldn't be one of yours either then. Why, then, can i not let you go? Give me a sign, a vestige of caring. This sign, i know, isn't likely to come.
And on to You. You intrigue me. And i know i intrigue you. I think you are worried of what people might think. You are worried about the difference in age. I don't like it when people put limits on things. What's the point? So you won't be able to fully enjoy something, how foolish. You should just take something for what it is. You say I'm attractive. I'd say the same to you. Yet you do nothing. So i'll participate in your game, not because you want me to, but because i want to see how things will play out. I can tell you are a good person, in a world where those are few and far between. And once again, my BB says that you think im a good person as well. Just let yourself do what you want to do. The end might be a little harder, but the experience itself will be so much more fulfilling.
And you. I hold so much anger towards you. I want you to know. I put sole responsibility of my mediocre grades this semester onto you. A mediocre person. How fitting. There is a DIRECT correlation between you and my grades. Without you, they are stunning. With you, they are underwhelming. I wasted my time with you. I am better than you are, and you should know that. You don't take accountability for your actions, and you are kinda failing at life right now. You emotional fool. You bring back bad memories. You make me want to scream and tell you how i really feel. You just need to read this, and that would give you an idea. I'm glad you see no repurcussions of your actions, and feel like you can say whatever you want to me. Fuck that.
And then i think about You. Talk about one of the best surprises to come home too. I never, ever, ever, ever thought you would change. And somehow, someway, you have managed to prove me wrong. Literally, I was reeling from the shock. And still am. You dont seem to call as often. You are reconnecting with old friends. You just seemed to have finally realized your mistakes, a little bit at least. I am so happy for you. And i think that you can tell to that our relationship is better because of these changes you are making.
(yikes. the tone of this passage was so different than i intended. hmmm. i guess i had stronger feelings than i thought i did. But you've shown me its good to get them out.)
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