On realizing how lucky one is.....

It's the start of another year in athens. And definitely the best so far.

I feel like I'm in such a good place right now: academically, living, dating, socially, friends. Just everything. This whole positive attitude change has made a huge difference. 17 hours is definitely a heavy load but I believe if I stay on top of things i can do this. I'm so determined to get good grades this semester; not achieving this is not an option. If i want to make Med school happen, this has to happen.

The First Friday Throwdown was such a blast. I had so much fun. And was so humbled that all of my friends made it over. It was so awesome to see all of them together in one room. I don't think they knew, but it made me feel so loved by all of them that came. It sounds dumb, but lately that means a lot. I'm all about people who make an effort to be in my life. If i see this in someone, then hands down I will make the effort to be a part of theirs, no matter past history or anything. That being said, I'm making a big effort to not try and hold on to friendships, and dating, that aren't mutually important. And dating for that matter. See last post for me believing in myself that I'm someone worth having around. It's time i start recognizing that.

People I'm thankful for recently: Paul, Becky, Caitlyn.

P: living with him is probably one of the best decisions I've made recently as far as making myself grow up and learn more about myself. We had such a good conversation in the car last night on the way home from Rays about being gay and what it meant to each of us. It was such a refreshing conversation and I can tell we are on our way to becoming really really great friends.

B: BFE. haha love our abbrevs. I am so happy with how things are going this school year. Each summer, you are my rock. You make living in Roswell so bearable, and even fun. And I am beyond thrilled that we are hanging out in Athens. I look forward to our Bravo nights. And especially Rachel Zoe. I Die. And as always, I'm thankful for your advice on everything. You really help me through more than you know.

C: Ah. this year is so different, but i think just as good as last year. Each time i get to see you, i am -so- excited. Like i think i cherish it so much more and don't take it for granted like i did last year. When i know im gonna get to hang out with you, I literally get so excited and can't stop smiling. Saturday night was seriously -so- much fun. It may not have seemed like anything special to you, but I couldn't have imagined having any more fun with you.

I'm trying to get out and date more. See whats out there. And trying to keep an open mind :) so far so good.

I'm not settling with any regrets this year. its Junior Year. lets do this bitch right.

P.S: for as hot as D is, I'm not sure he's entirely good enough for me. "I used to be lovedrunk, but now I'm hungover".

D.

Question: Does fortune actually favor the bold?

Answer: This past week of my life, the answer is absolutely yes. A week ago, I hadn't even spoken to you. And now a six days later, I find our conversations captivating. You charmed me on our first date; and i was beyond thrilled when you asked me out on a second one, even if it is a ways off. and you made friday night a highlight of my summer. You've made it hard to stop smiling all week.

It's not often in "our" world you find someone genuine, intelligent, charming, and all-together with it. And to see all of those characteristics in someone was refreshing to say the least. Let alone someone my age. I didnt expect to meet someone like you, especially not in the last week of summer.

And now, I'm puzzled. I have no idea what to do. Do i chalk this all up to a end-of-summer-hoorah and leave it at that? Or try and see where this goes, albeit a long distance sort of thing? I'd hate to pass up something that seems so good and want you to know that the effort would be there on my end. But saying something like that after only hanging out three times can be greatly misinterpreted. My fingers are crossed for a last second lunch date or something of the sort, although as of press time the question remains only in my mind. It's almost as if I'd like to send out a big FUCK YOU to the higher power behind the timing of this situation, because you honestly couldn't have made it any worse.

A friend told me the other day that he doesn't deal with negative attitudes. And so, I've been trying to keep nothing but a positive one about this situation. I think i need to start believing. Believing that I am someone worth having around. Someone that another wants to talk to. Wants to get to know better. Wants to be with. And mostly, I'm hoping that you see this in me. That I am worth it.

Z.